I HATE FLIES!! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU GOD DAMN IT!!!!!
So...anyway...here's what happened yesterday.Most of you that have since spoken to me or seen my MSN screenname and AIM away message will probably already know by now. So here's the story in detail...
1. I've been having some bad fly problems in my house lately, last week i had 5 of them in the span of two days..they followed me into the house via my garage and closet door ( the batcave). My closet opens into my garage. So I killed those darn fuckers...even burnt them...to get some satisfaction out of it. Call me cruel but I don't fancy chasing flies around the house with a hand towel. My fucking neighbours are gross and pile crap up in their trash cans causing a huge fly problem in the back alley. I got smart and armed myself with can of insecticide the next day.
2. I got home from work yesterday, was busy chatting on the phone with Way Sern...I parked the car, got out...shut the garage door and waited so that those darn fuckers wouldn't sneak into my house behind me. So I opened the closet door and got into my closet...but all of a sudden..with one ear preoccupied listening to Way Sern's chatter....I heard a faint buzz in the back ground....I said *Way Sern's still blabbering bout some chic and the song he played on the guitar* , " What the fuck is goin on in here?"...Then I saw it with my own eyes...approximately 40 god damn fucking flies hovering in my bedroom, right near my window. My first thought, I'm going to puke....or maybe swallow my puke...right now incase someone's dead my home...and I need to run before I get killed?OH wait...maybe some dumb animal came in and died..but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't decompose in a matter of hours. I told Way Sern," WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE FLIES DOING IN MY HOUSE?!! Dude, I'll call you back later!!" So I walked through the swarm of 'shit-loving-maggot flavored' particles in the air....pulled the window open, with my eyes all squinty so I didn't get them trapped in my eye lashes and holding my breath cos I didn't want to get them up my nose and to taste any of them.....and I ran to get my 'AK-47'! A can of insecticide..i forgot the brand though...so I ran back into my room screaming profanities at those bugs...I think I said a whole bunch of cantonese swear words and the only bit of English I remember saying was , "DIE MOTHERFUCKERS, DIE, AGHHH FUCK YOU!!!! Then I realized that as soon as I broke their happy lil congregation..they were all over the house instead of just swarming by the window...So I ran for a magazine..and started swatting them out of the air, on the floor on my window pane..I sprayed god damn insecticide until it smelt like air freshner and I felt like I could live on that supply of insecticide..cos it made me smile everytime I brutally killed one of those god damn fucking flies!
*taking a deep breath now to focus* Okay, where was I...yes..and while killing those darn fucking flies I was calling some other people and narrating everything ..I got busy "floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee"... If that didn't make any sense,...I was practically going frantic...murdering flies..while screaming on the phone to my other buddy Hao-Jan, who completely laughed every 2 seconds..as I went off in a long trail of Cantonese swear words....and flies were being imprinted onto the utterly boring design of my window panes and floor tiles.
3. One hour later, ...I murdered every god damn thing that flew in the house..I didn't care if they were just bugs...they were flying..and they were going to die...I picked up every god damn dead fly I saw to make a body count. I TOOK A DAMN GOOD PICTURE OF THEM! I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW I HATE FLIES!. Only later did I realize that 2 other flies were not included in the beautiful picture because I murdered them shortly after the picture was taken. While analyzing my collection of dead flies, I saw a few that were still twitching.....I picked them up with a pair of forceps...and placed them over a cigarette lighter..and torched them slowly...and dumping them back in the pile...
4. I then realized that early that morning I was a moron to leave my bathroom window open and my bathroom door slightly ajar. That was the entrance point. Sealed that off, but there was a smell in the house...I emptied the trash..but still smelt it today morning...Finally discovered where it was coming from....I had a bag of potatoes which had gone real bad and turned into liquid...because I had placed a bag of onions on them..and the onions turned to liquid..causing bacteria and crap to destroy the potatoes too...
Lo and Behold....my FLY BODY COUNT!...don't forget about 15 may have escaped through the window before I went on my killing spree and 2 were not accounted for.
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. I really can't think of anything to post here today. The day feels so slow..and my brain is kind of clogged. Looks like it's 9pm outside..gloomy as hell. Araghh!! At least I have my weekly dollar burger deals to look forward to tonight. That is ...if I do decide to go and not sleep at home. I'll put some pics up when I get home. Nothing interesting though. 